Life is What Happens
I must be an old coot myself. I know that because I’m writing this in 36-point type. So, when I saw a tent on the parking lot at the Ventnor Farmers Market, last Friday with a sign that read “Old Coots Giving Advice,” I was intrigued.
Growing up an hour from Lancaster County in Broomall, Pa., I absorbed my share of Pennsylvania Dutch wisdom, including the maxim: “Too Soon Old; Too Late Smart.” A perfect case for the Coots and their decades of experience and accumulated insights.
Under the tent sat four people of a certain age in yellow T-shirts – two men, two women – each on a plastic chair facing a pair of more comfortable guest seats. Their mission: field questions on love, marriage, careers, coleslaw – whatever was on a shopper’s mind.
The Ventnor ‘Coots’ booth was begun nine years ago at the Ventnor Farmers Market by volunteers Andy Starer and Marsha Gillespie. Starer had spotted a news story about a similar group in Salt Lake City and suggested a local version.
Now, years later, two shifts dispense free advice and opinions each Friday morning from 8:30 to 10:30, and then there’s a change of the advice guard for a 10:30 to 11:30 shift.
“I’ve been a Coot for five years,” says Jean Antolini of Ventnor. “People ask about buying homes, where to eat, how to get along with difficult people. We take every question seriously.”
Before becoming a Coot, Antolini ran an eBay store called “Miss Know It All,” selling her opinion for a dollar. “People asked for it, and paid me.”
No psychology degree required, though many Coots have backgrounds in therapy, teaching, or coaching.
What they offer isn’t therapy – it’s conversation, perspective, and maybe some suggestions for a path to take to resolve the issue.
“I’m a social, clinical and experimental psychologist,” says Coot Pat Stuart. “We hear from people just starting out, winding down, in love, out of love, navigating work or neighbor drama – we get it all.”
She recalls a girl of 7 who came to the booth saying her dad didn’t love her anymore because he married someone new.
“We got the dad and daughter to both sit down in the booth. I suggested activities they could do together that might give the little girl some ‘just them’ time with her dad. They left the booth with a plan for a bike ride.”
Coot David Weiman remembers a dad who lingered nervously outside the tent with his wife and two toddlers in tow.
“We’re about to have our third. I don’t think we can handle it,” the dad confessed. A year later, the same man returned – this time calmly bouncing the new baby. “That was rewarding to see.”
Some advice moments stay with the Coots. Mitchell Kurtz recalls a 7-year-old who asked, “How can I be a success in life?”
“It stopped me cold,” he said. “We talked about doing one thing at a time and doing it well… building his life one experience at a time.”
The coots offer their wisdom to anyone who stops by – from locals to tourists from around the world.
“We know each other’s strengths,” says Weiman. “We know when to offer advice and when to give the floor to another Coot.”
“People open up more to strangers,” Stuart adds. “We’re like bartenders, but on a spring morning in Ventnor folks are nursing iced lattes instead of scotch.”
Is there a demographic that asks for advice more than others?
“Nope,” says Antolini. “Everyone’s got questions. People just sit down and ask.”
So I did. At two recent events – a wedding and a birthday – I’d asked some casual questions that were met with chilly responses. One guest, divorced for years, took offense when I asked if she was dating. She said she preferred to enjoy her cake instead of answer. I was raised (in a family of reporters) to show interest in others – not just talk about myself. I can ask scores of questions of a dinner partner before the first course even arrives.
I expected the Coots to tell me to back off. But they didn’t.
“You be you,” they said. “Peoples’ behavior often says more about them than it says about you.”
Even a police officer stationed near the Coots was interested in their opinion. She poked her head into the tent and asked: “Would it be too self-indulgent to buy myself flowers from that beautiful booth next door?” The Coots chimed in without hesitation: “Go for it.”
The next week, she returned – and told the Coots that the flowers were still in bloom, and she had a great week enjoying them.
As an old Coot on the younger side, with a passion for people, I asked the Coots how to join their ranks. Their advice: “Sign up at the Farmers Market info booth. We need substitutes.” Done and done. I’ve got a great chicken marinade recipe, some thoughts on how to mend fences with a neighbor and an ear and time to listen. According to the Old Coots Giving Advice, sometimes that’s all it takes.
Ventnor Farmers Market
Now in its ninth season, the Ventnor City Farmers Market brings joy to locals and visitors every Friday morning through summer in the St. James Church parking lot. With 70+ vendors offering fresh produce, baked goods, artisan foods and handmade treasures, it’s a bustling hub of community and charm. Friendly volunteers in yellow tees are there to help you find exactly what you didn’t know you needed.
The Old Coots Giving Advice booth is set up in front of the St. James Church in front of the St. James Church hugging Newport Avenue.
Lisa is an advertising copywriter (think ‘Madmen’ without the men), journalist and columnist. Claim to local fame: Lou’s waitress for 4 summers. To be a featured host in Coast-Host-Post or to get on her “quote” list for future columns: redshoeslzs@gmail.com
