Life is What Happens
By Lisa Zaslow Segelman
If you have a residence of any size or shape in Atlantic or Cape May counties, you’re most likely a host as well.
Shore locals enjoy having a built-in summer vacation. For many of us, that’s why we’re here. No travel, hotel, car rental or expensive excursions are required to get the most of the Jersey Shore experience. We may be working all week, but here at the shore, the sun shines a little longer and the weekends arrive a little sooner. Like the George Gershwin song says, “Summertime… and the livin’ is easy..”
That easy living can get harder once guests start to arrive, and we’re not the only ones. Hosting is a topic of conversation on tennis courts, golf courses, and in supermarkets all over the shore.
So how do we manage? In the Host, Coast, Post we’ll feature different residents of Atlantic and Cape May counties talking about their hosting styles, and bringing together ideas about how to make it work. How do we offer our guests a great time at the shore while keeping our own sanity and energy?
We’ll explore what makes good hosts, what makes good guests, and what we can all do to ensure a wonderful stay. Together we’ll determine if we’re in the “Mi Casa es su casa” (Spanish for “my house is your house) camp, or if we identify more with Benjamin Franklin who famously quipped that “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”
We’ll refine our hosting styles and pick up a few tips from others. We’ll share some trials and tribulations, have a few laughs, and figure out what practices to keep and what to revise for our next set of guests.
I’ll kick things off with some of our hosting history. At our house, once we get through my accountant husband’s busy season, which of course ends April 15, we gear up for “guest busy season,” which for us begins on Mother’s Day and continues non-stop until mid-September.
Growing up in a summer-home family, I watched my mom as a host in three Ventnor, one Brigantine, and one Atlantic City home.
“Nine-course Naomi” was a good cook who didn’t love the beach, but loved when family and friends would visit, and those visits always included meals.
My mom’s parents lived in the house all year – a giant plus for us grandkids.
With four children and eventually 13 grandchildren, my mom kept the houseguest list to kids and grandkids only, and hosted her friends as weekend guests only. She said she didn’t want her home to turn into what she and my grandma referred to as a “flophouse.”
In Brigantine in the 1960s my mom would have my great aunt and uncle over for lunch on the screened-in porch of our North Beach Street summer home at the end of the island. They were former chicken farmers from Vineland who had moved to the Inlet in Atlantic City.
Other guests included cousins from Canada who were campers and more than happy to enjoy a home-cooked meal on real plates at some point during their campground stay.
Then there were cousins from Brooklyn – family on my dad’s side and the list went on.
My folks didn’t have a ton of rules but they had some:
- No bare feet in the house or at the table. They considered their shore house a real house.
- Say good morning to your parents or grandparents when you enter a room.
- Don’t leave cabinet doors open or your stuff around the common areas. Keep your things in your room.
4. Rinse feet from the beach.
5. Turn off lights when you leave the room.
My parents were fastidious, my father more so than my mom.
When he would bring up whatever guest habit that annoyed him, my mother would tell him it was short-lived. She would ask him “not to say anything” and rest assured that guests eventually return to their own homes.
Now that the shore hosting baton has been passed to me, I try to maintain my folks’ graciousness, but I don’t hesitate to ask that shower doors get squeegeed, paper towels don’t get wasted, and leftovers find Tupperware mates.
I’m not as realistic as my parents when it comes to inviting people, and I skew toward the more the merrier, only to realize too late that accommodating constant guests is exhausting.
I shouldn’t keep saying, “how about coming down during the week!” That’s a time to work, restock, recharge and write for Shore Local.
As hosts we realize that for our guests, the visit is a vacation for them and it’s our turn to host. Still, hosting large is a huge undertaking. It’s nice when guests help out with setting up for a meal or cleaning up afterwards.
Most people hear their mom’s voice in their heads when packing for a shore weekend at a friend or relative’s house, “Don’t forget to bring something.”
It’s a great idea for guests to ask what they can bring – food, beverages, paper products for what could be many meals over the course of a weekend.
Replenishing during one’s stay also works. One friend asked what she could bring and I said, “a side dish.” She brought six. It took us through the six meals of the weekend. Others brought cookies from their region, tequila from Costco, whatever it is, it helps.
If none of this happens, sending an Amazon-anything post-stay, or a simple thank you note shows awesome manners. Texts, emails and calls are also nice. A hand-written note could get you an invite for summer 2025!
Sharing our homes by the sea with friends and family is what the shore is all about. If we all stroke together like the Princeton crew, we’ll be making priceless memories.
These are some of my hosting thoughts. What are yours? Let me know if you’d like to be featured in my a Coast, Host, Post column. Just reach out at redshoeslzs@gmail.com.
Next week: Pam and Rob Kornfeld of Ocean City.
Lisa is an advertising copywriter (think ‘Madmen’ without the men), journalist and columnist. Claim to fame: Lou’s waitress for four teenage summers. For column comments, story ideas, or to get on her “quote” list for future columns: redshoeslzs@gmail.com
