Make your healthcare wishes known with an advance directive
Most of us spend more time planning vacations, holidays, and home projects than we do planning for a medical emergency. It is understandable. No one loves the idea of talking about illness, hospital stays, or what could happen in a health crisis. Still, thinking about our healthcare wishes before there is a crisis may be one of the most thoughtful steps we can take for ourselves and for the people who love us.
That is why National Healthcare Decisions Day, observed on April 16, is such an important reminder. It encourages us to have these conversations before we are in a situation where we cannot speak for ourselves. While it may sound like a heavy topic, it is really about making sure our voice is heard, even during a medical crisis.
None of us want to imagine an accident, a stroke, or a serious illness, but life can change in an instant. If that happened, would our family know what kind of care we would want? Would they know who should make decisions on our behalf? Would they understand how we feel about life support, resuscitation, or other major medical treatments?
Many families assume they will figure it out if the time comes. In reality, those moments are emotional, stressful, and often overwhelming. When we are frightened, it can be difficult to think clearly, especially if we are trying to make important medical decisions without knowing what our loved one wants. Having a plan in place can ease some of that burden and bring a little clarity to a very difficult situation.
One of the most important steps is choosing a health care representative. In New Jersey, an advance directive for health care can include a proxy directive, which allows us to appoint someone to make healthcare decisions for us if we are unable to make them ourselves. It can also include an instruction directive, often known as a living will, which spells out our wishes about treatment and care.
Our representative should be someone we trust completely, someone who can stay calm under pressure, ask questions, speak up when necessary, and honor our wishes even in a difficult moment. For some of us, that may be a spouse. For others, it may be an adult child, a sibling, or a close friend. The most important thing is choosing someone who knows us well, understands our values, and is willing to take on that responsibility. It is not always an easy role, which is why the conversation matters just as much as the paperwork.
That is where many people get stuck. We may intend to fill out the forms and have the conversation someday but someday has a way of slipping by. Some people feel strongly that every possible measure should be taken to prolong life. Others may place a higher priority on comfort, dignity, independence, or quality of life. There is no one right answer, and that is exactly the point. These decisions are personal. What matters is that the people closest to us understand our wishes clearly.
The encouraging part is that in New Jersey, getting started does not have to be complicated or expensive. We can download free advance directive for health care forms online through the New Jersey Department of Health. For a standard advance directive, we do not need a lawyer and the document does not need to be notarized. That makes this much more accessible than many people realize. We can get extra guidance thinking through these decisions through free national sites like PREPARE for Your Care, CaringInfo, and The Conversation Project.
It is important keep in mind that a POLST is separate from the basic advance directive for most healthy adults. POLST stands for Practitioner Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment, a medical order used in New Jersey for people with serious advanced illness or frailty. It must be signed by a physician, advanced practice nurse, or physician assistant. However, for most people doing routine planning, the advance directive is sufficient.
Here is a simple checklist to get started: download the free forms, choose your health care representative, complete the directive, sign it properly, make copies, give one to your representative and doctor, and keep one in an accessible place at home. A completed form is not much help if no one can locate it when it matters most.
This is not something only older adults should think about. Every adult can benefit from having a plan. Medical emergencies do not only happen later in life. Once a child turns 18, parents may be surprised to learn they do not automatically have the legal authority to make healthcare decisions or access medical information. That is why these conversations are important for young adults too, whether they are heading off to college, starting a job, or simply living independently.
This does not have to be a dramatic or gloomy discussion. It can start with a conversation that sounds something like, “We should probably get this organized, just in case.” From there, we can talk about who we trust, what matters most to us, and where important documents should be kept. It also makes sense to inform our doctor of our wishes, especially if we have a chronic condition or ongoing health concerns.
These conversations are not always easy, but they are a gift to the people we love. They can reduce confusion, prevent conflict, and spare family members from making painful choices without guidance. Most of all, they help make sure our voice remains part of our care, even if we cannot speak at that moment.
Planning ahead is not about fear. It is about caring enough to prepare. We wear seat belts, buy insurance, and save for the future because we know life can be unpredictable. Our healthcare decisions deserve that same attention.
So, this month, it may be worth setting aside a little time for completing the forms and having a conversation that truly matters. It may not feel urgent today, but one day it could make all the difference for us and for the people who care about us most.
Robin is a former television reporter for NBC News 40. She currently hosts a podcast and radio program called Living Well with Robin Stoloff. It airs Sundays at 10 AM on Lite 96.9. You can email Robin at livingwellwithrobin@gmail.com
