By Bill Quain
As many of my readers know, I am a long-distance runner. My last big run was the Ocean City Half Marathon in September. What a great race I had that day! In fact, I had a “personal best” time.
But that didn’t just happen! I had to train for that race. I watched what I ate and did lots of stretches. I also bought new running shorts and Hoka’s shoes, and best of all, a new, lightweight running hat. Hey, that’s important! If your hat feels heavy when you start, imagine how heavy it’s going to feel 13 miles later when you’ve been both sweating and pouring water on your head!
The food you eat is important.
In the 2023 OC Half Marathon, I made a huge mistake. I didn’t eat or drink enough before and during the race, and I paid the price! If any of you were up on the boards after that race, I was the one in the city-owned wheelchair. Many thanks to the EMTs who took care of me. I hope I never see you again, but it isn’t because you weren’t nice to me. And, shame of shames, Jeanne had to drive our SUV up onto the Boardwalk so they could load me into the back seat for the short ride home.
What happened? Well… I was in the zone and thought I was invincible. Who needs water when you’re in such good shape? Who needs food? I was too busy waving at the crowd.
Why am I telling you this?
Simple. You are about to put your body and mind into a fierce, 30-plus-hour competition. It won’t be pretty. If you aren’t prepared – clothing, exercise, nutrition, and mental toughness – you might end up like me: in a borrowed wheelchair, loaded into an SUV because you can’t walk the short distance to the checkout counters on Black Friday.
Stay sharp! Stay on your toes!
Let’s start with the Thanksgiving dinner. It’s sure to be at an unnatural time of the day – sometime between when you would normally end lunch to just before you would normally eat dinner. 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. is the “sweet spot.” Let’s face it, unless you are at the Shores of Wesley Manor, you haven’t eaten dinner before 5 p.m. since last Thanksgiving! So you’ve got to get your body ready for this adjustment.
Of course, there is also the matter of eating 3,000-plus calories before dessert. You don’t just walk into that kind of competition wearing a pair of snug jeans. (See above regarding the correct clothing.)
Three of you like turkey legs.
You, your father, and your uncle have all been looking forward to that Thanksgiving drumstick. In order to make this dream come true, you’ll have to compete! The trick is to sit in the right place at the table – just to the right of the person who is carving the bird. Either that, or ask the butcher at Acme to keep an eye out for a three-legged turkey. Hey, I know for a fact they have them for special customers. What makes a customer special? Big tipping! That’s what I do, starting in about mid-August – buttering up that Acme butcher so I get that special bird.
Would you like wine with that?
Okay, here is a danger zone. A good host will offer his or her guests various libations at Thanksgiving dinner. But go easy! Do you remember what happened last year (and come to think of it… every year since 2010) with Uncle Harvey? Last year, he fell asleep on the piano, which was still far better than what happened in 2022! This year, he’ll try to blame it on the tryptophan: “That turkey has a hormone that puts me to sleep.” No, no, no! Remember that someone, (usually under age 15), is going to have their phone out, and you don’t want your Thanksgiving meal to end up as another goofy reel on Facebook!
A Belt-Buster or Door-Buster
In the old days (before 2011), everyone went home after Thanksgiving dinner and went to sleep so they could get an early start on Black Friday shopping. Not these days! You need to be in shape. Skip that second piece of pumpkin pie, because at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day, you need to be in line at Best Buy (or Target, Kmart, etc.). The doors are about to be thrown open! Hopefully, you’ve been in serious training for this night. That’s right, bend your knees, lift with both hands and keep your back straight.
Here’s a true story. Several years ago, Jeanne and I were at my sister’s house in Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. We were also rehabbing an Ocean City rental property at that time, and we needed to buy four TVs. Although we had always been dead set against shopping on Thanksgiving Day, the sales were just too good. We left my sister’s place after dinner and hit the doors at Best Buy in West Chester, Pennsylvania where we picked up seven televisions. The prices were so good that we decided to also replace some of our older TVs. We were in a shopping frenzy! The salesperson said that prices would be even better after midnight, but it was getting late, and we had to head home to Ocean City.
We were driving down the Atlantic City Expressway. It was approaching midnight just as we neared the Mays Landing Best Buy. So we stopped, bought even bigger and better TVs with even better prices, returned the TVs we had just purchased in West Chester, and headed home with our shopping treasures!
The Winner’s Circle or Loser Land?
Remember, whether you’re eating or shopping, this isn’t a sprint. It’s a marathon! You have been training for this since last year. Will it pay off, or will you fall just short of the finish line, exhausted, broke, and a little sick to your stomach?
You can do it, but it is going to take commitment, savvy bargaining skills, fearless cart pushing, and a magnificent deftness with a fork and knife. And, whatever you do, remember to hold onto the receipts! You’ll need them when those unwrapped holiday gifts are headed back to the store. Then all you’ll have is some memories and an additional 10 pounds around the middle.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! You can reach me at bill@quain.com. As I say each week, I’ll see ya in the papers!
Bill is a Professor in Stockton University’s Hospitality Management Program. He is the author of 27 books, and a highly-respected speaker. Even though he is almost totally blind, Bill is a long-distance runner and runs the Ocean City Half Marathon each year. He lives in Ocean City with his wife Jeanne, and his Guide Dog Trudy. Visit www.billquain.com or email him at bill@quain.com.
