The third part of an ongoing series
By Andrew Hoffman
Hello all, I welcome you to an ongoing series on a lighter subject of death, the epitaph. An epitaph is defined as a phrase or form of words written in memory of a person who has died, as an inscription on a tombstone.
I am going to highlight a few epitaphs throughout the centuries that I found interesting, creative, eccentric and funny. I hope you will find them amusing as well and perhaps spark some creativity in your own tombstones and or monuments many years from now.
“Once I Wasn’t. Then I Was. Now I ain’t Again.” Written on a tombstone in Lee County, Mississippi.
“SHALL WEE ALL DIE? WEE SHALL DIE ALL. ALL DIE SHALL WE? DIE ALL WE SHALL.” Written on a tombstone in Cunwallow, Cornwall, England.
“All ye who stop to read this stone, Consider how soon she was gone. Death doth not always warning give, Therefore be careful how you live.” Tombstone of Mary Richards (1740-1771) Doddington, England.
“Here I lie snug as a bug in a rug”. An envious relative of the deceased instructed that he be buried in an adjoining grave with the following inscription on his tombstone: “Here I lie snugger than that other bugger.”
“Here lies Matthew Mudd, Death did him no hurt; When alive he was Mudd. And now he’s dead he’s but dirt.” Written on a tombstone in Walton, Norfolk.
On a celebrated London cook’s tombstone: “Peas to his Hashes”. Meaning, of course, “Peace to his ashes.”
On a tombstone in Connecticut: “Here lies the body of Jonathan Stout. He fell in the water and never got out. And still is supposed to be floating about.”
The following epitaphs have a common theme of dealing with regrets in life.
“Here lies W.C Fields. On the whole I would rather be living in Philadelphia.” Written on the tombstone of W.C Field (1880-1946).
On the tomb of Alexander the Great (356-323 B.C.), translated from ancient Greek: “Here a mound suffices for one for whom the world was not large enough.”
Written on a cemetery stone in Dunmore, Ireland: “Here lie the remains of John Hall, grocer, The world is not worth a fig, and I have good raisins for saying so.”
On the monument of King Joseph II of Germany (1741-1790), “Here lies Joseph, who was unsuccessful in all his undertakings.” It is worth noting that the king requested this epitaph for himself.
And finally, an epitaph that really nails down regret on the tombstone of George Johnson in Arizona: “Hanged by mistake”.
Stay tuned to my next article as we go deeper into art of the epitaph and highlight a few more.
Andrew B. Hoffman is a funeral director at Jeffries and Keates and Keates-Plum Funeral Homes. He is a twenty-two year veteran of the funeral industry.
