October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Sometimes, the first thing we notice is that we have not seen someone in a while. The friend who made us laugh at lunch stops joining us. A neighbor who once chatted across the fence now offers a quick wave and heads inside. Someone we love seems quieter, more anxious or harder to reach.
We may tell ourselves everyone gets busy, and sometimes that is all it is. Other times, something deeper may be happening. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a reminder to take a second look at changes in the people around us.
Domestic violence is not always visible. Physical violence is one form of abuse, but abuse can also include constant criticism, threats, humiliation, monitoring a partner’s phone or location, controlling money, or isolating someone from friends and family. At its heart, abuse involves power and control. It can happen in any relationship, at any age and in any community.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than one in three women and more than one in six men have experienced physical violence, sexual violence or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetimes. The effects can extend beyond physical injuries, harming emotional well-being, sleep and long-term health.
Older adults may face additional barriers. Someone may depend on a partner for care, transportation or income. After decades together, they may feel embarrassed to speak up or wonder whether change is possible. Regardless of age, everyone deserves to feel safe and respected. It is never too late to seek support.
Warning signs can include a friend repeatedly canceling plans or appearing worried about upsetting a partner. A partner may check in constantly, control spending or insist on joining every conversation. There may be injuries with explanations that do not add up. No single behavior tells the entire story, but a pattern may be a reason to reach out.
Choose a private moment when it is safe to talk, away from the partner, and begin gently: “I’ve noticed you seem different lately. How are things at home?” or “How are you doing, really?”
If they say everything is fine, they may not be ready to share. Let them know you care and are available whenever they want to talk.
If they open up, listen without judgment. You do not need to have every answer. Saying, “I believe you. This isn’t your fault, and I am here,” can help someone feel supported and less alone.
Avoid asking, “Why don’t you just leave?” Fear, shame, concerns about children, financial pressures and uncertainty can make leaving complicated. It can also be a particularly dangerous time. Respect the person’s right to make decisions.
Instead, ask, “What would be helpful right now?” Offer practical support, such as a ride, a safe place to keep important documents or access to a phone the partner cannot monitor. Continue checking in without applying pressure.
If you recognize your own relationship in these words, you deserve support. You do not need a plan before reaching out. A trained advocate can listen, answer questions and help you explore options at your own pace.
AVANZAR offers emergency shelter and temporary protective housing at a confidential location for people experiencing domestic violence and their children. The organization also provides counseling, legal advocacy and assistance finding community resources.
AVANZAR’s 24-hour hotline is 1-800-286-4184, and its text number is 609-569-5437. More information is available at avanzarnow.org.
The New Jersey Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-572-SAFE (7233) and the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) are available 24 hours a day. The national hotline can also be reached by texting START to 88788 or visiting thehotline.org.
If your phone or computer may be monitored, use a device the abusive person cannot access. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Domestic abuse is never the fault of the person experiencing it.
Robin Stoloff is an award-winning South Jersey health reporter and former television reporter. She hosts “Living Well with Robin Stoloff” at 10 a.m. Sundays on Lite 96.9 WFPG.
