The ‘unfriending’ pandemic
By Charles P. Eberson
Senior Moments
I first signed on to what has become the social media phenomenon, Facebook, in 2012 as a way of sharing my photography with like-minded people, staying in touch with colleagues, friends and relatives around the world. I have used it successfully to locate friends, some of whom I have not seen in over 40 years.
The app seemed innocent enough at the time. My “friends” list grew as the algorithms introduced me to people they thought I should “friend.” Some of them I did, but some of them were not really people with whom I wanted to share my personal information.
As time went on, I could see that people had lists of friends that went into the high hundreds and even thousands. I understand that if your Facebook page is a portal to your business and you are monetizing your page, but to put it politely, many of those people wouldn’t put you out if your hair were on fire.
The first hint of people’s political leanings began percolating during the COVID pandemic. Positions on vaxing and not vaxing were being thrust upon friends, with videos vilifying those who did not agree with the positions of those doing the posting.
There were people discovering a voice unlike they have ever experienced before and were using the platform to lecture those to whom they felt intellectually superior. This was tolerated since the “friendships” were more important.
The postings soon ran their course and were replaced by more mundane topics, such as photos of travel, food, family events and bad jokes. Certainly not the domain of the Mensa Society, but entertaining nonetheless.
Recently, with the presidential election looming, the postings took on a bitter and vile tone. Both sides were firmly entrenched and passionate about their views and opinions. The rhetoric became more and more hostile, resulting in personal accusations and the worst name calling one can imagine, and this from Facebook “friends.” The level of animosity was palpable as if to say, “how dare you have an opposing position.”
To be true, I put up postings and videos supporting my positions, as well as those against my “friends’” candidate. The difference is that I didn’t personally attack my friends. People were thrashing out statements in the privacy and safety of their own homes that they would dare not say in person. This exposed their true character, or more accurately, lack of character.
All of this had a silver lining, however. It has presented an opportunity for me to take a hard look at all of my “friends” and what they contribute to my Facebook experience. I was surprised by what I learned from this exercise.
Some of them I categorized as “legacy friends,” i.e., friends from high school or work from years ago. I have enjoyed seeing their families grow and celebrate milestones as ours have. But their relevance, and the interest in some others have been waning for a long time and quite possibly, so has their interest in me.
The bar is pretty low to remain one of my Facebook friends, so if that metric is not met, there is a reason. Those who have been making the most repugnant postings have been “unfriended.” This was not meant as a finger in the eye, but simply as the removal of something toxic from my browsing experience.
Some have also unfriended me and to this I say, “thank you.” To me, the Facebook app is meant to be a positive, informative, yet entertaining medium. To be fair, I do like to poke the bear occasionally, but if not provoked, I will remain civilized.
There is more than enough negativity to go around and I choose not to engage with those who offer it up as a beacon to follow. So far, my “friend” list is down to 184, but I am cautiously optimistic.
Charles Eberson has been in the newspaper business for over 25 years. He has worked as a writer, advertising executive, circulation manager and photographer. His photography can be viewed at charles-eberson.fineartamerica.com
