Reconcilable Differences
By Charles P. Eberson
Senior Moments
My wife, Rubye and I will soon be celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary. Forty-five years sounds like such a long time but then again, I have T-shirts older than that. But before you shower us with congratulations or condolences, it hasn’t always been easy as one can imagine.
In our fifties, the pressures of work, finances, young adult children and our individual differences became too much and we were on the verge of going our separate ways. A psychologist who did counseling was recommended to us but I always felt there was a stigma attached to seeking such help. I was also so entrenched in my own beliefs that I didn’t think it would help but since so much was at stake, I agreed to attend the sessions.
After months of counseling, I have to say anyone experiencing the same challenges should consider that option because the doctor saved our marriage. My wife and I were raised very differently.
She came from a blended family and had a mother who worked outside the home. I grew up a more traditional family with attentive parents and a mother who worked from home. Since my wife was the oldest, she was expected to help with cleaning, laundry, dishes and all the duties necessary to keep the house. These duties had to be done to perfection. My mother, on the other hand, did everything for her sons. I was never asked to make my bed, wash my clothes, put my clothes away, do the dishes etc. Over the years of us being together, Rubye continued her routine of keeping an organized, immaculate home. No sooner than letting my feet hit the floor in the morning, the bed was made. It was made so well that an army drill Instructor could bounce a quarter off the top.
When we became empty nesters, we each took over one of our children’s rooms. My room contained a rowing machine with assorted workout clothing, photography equipment, scanner, printer, pages of photography slides and negatives as well as projects in various stages of incompletion. I have to say, it looked more like a crime scene. The only thing missing was the outline of a body chalked onto the floor.
A step into Rubye’s room was like walking into a Tibetan monastery; an essential oil diffuser, yoga mat, decorated in line with Feng Shui and banners of prayer flags. Back into my room…Slayer concert. Her room…meditative music.
One of the things we came away with from counseling was mutual respect. I have taken steps to minimize the chaos in my room. Rubye has relaxed her position on such things. As far as our counselor, he retired after our sessions came to an end.
Some say, “he needed some time.” That is a shame. We could have used more sessions on the topic of thermostat settings to make it to our 46th anniversary.
Charles Eberson has been in the newspaper business for over 25 years. He has worked as a writer, advertising executive, circulation manager and photographer. His photography can be viewed at charles-eberson.fineartamerica.com
