By Andrew Hoffman
In my last few columns, I explained several benefits of holding a funeral service. One I would like to highlight this week is how
they create a forum to share spiritual values and beliefs. I am not here to convert you to any one religion, however, I am a believer and I have seen faith be an anchor to many families who are lost in a storm of emotions during a time of loss. At Jeffries and Keates Funeral Home I have been blessed to serve many different faiths in our local community. These would be Roman Catholics, Greek Orthodox, Reformed Jewish, Buddhists, Unitarians, Taoists, Hindus, Methodists, Lutherans, Baptists, Haitian Pentecostals, Presbyterians and many an Independent Protestant and with all of them the commonality is that their spiritual beliefs gave the survivors a sense of order, structure, security and hope. A funeral service has its beginning roots in the church/religion, and therefore in many situations we walk hand in hand with the Priest, Rabbi, Monk or other clergy. Being able to express your faith at a time of loss is incredibly powerful and helpful. I have seen many a loss that would crush a parent, husband or wife and their belief in their faith gets them through it.
A funeral service helps to ease the transition to a new life after the death of a loved one. I have heard a local minister say in his funeral homily that “a death of a loved one is the same thing as an amputation of a limb”. I have to say that I feel that that is a perfect analogy of what the loss feels like of someone close to you. This is especially true of the relationship with spouses. If you have slept, ate, and lived with the same person for over 30 years when they are suddenly gone, you feel an immense void in your life. If you hold no ceremony to recognize that loss and you try to ignore that loss by moving on like nothing has happened you are just fooling yourself. The funeral service acknowledges that loss and honors the loved one.
A funeral Service allows mourners a structured activity or “something to do” during a disorienting time. When a loss of a loved one occurs there are a huge number of people who are lost because the experience of death is completely new to them. They have never had to deal with death before and they don’t know what to do. Having something like the event of a funeral service offers a welcome opportunity to focus on something. People think “Oh my God, my mother just died, what do I do”, “Oh, I have to call the funeral home and they will guide me” or “I need to think about planning a service”. Having something to work on gives people a sense of comfort and direction when the world seems to have turned upside down.
Funeral services can serve as a rite of passage and important social ritual. There is a common phrase or belief that you are never truly an adult until both of your parents have died. Once you have lost both your mother and father you are in essence an orphan and you have to rely completely on yourself. Yes, if you have a spouse or siblings you can look to them but it is not the same as going to your parents for help or guidance. I have talked to many children of whom they were laying to rest their last parent and they said it was a weird feeling, knowing that they were gone. They also felt that it was their duty and the right thing to do holding the service to honor them properly.
Andrew B. Hoffman is a funeral director at Jeffries and Keates and Keates-Plum Funeral Homes. He is a twenty-two year veteran of the funeral industry.
