By Dr. Deborah Brown,
MS, MPhil, LPC
“Happy Holidays!” We hear this throughout December, yet some of us are decidedly not happy and downright more stressed than ever. Some of us are just getting by all year long. Add in the demands of the holidays, and our mental health can be at risk more than ever. The month of December can be fraught with pitfalls and stressors that can have a significant impact on our mental health well into the new year.
After years of helping patients weather their families, holiday budget woes, and being overwhelmed by all that dashing through the snow, I have discovered some helpful rules for surviving the holidays. Here are some healthy guidelines that can really help, and maybe even help you get a little bit more of that holiday joy we all hope for.
The best way to prevent being overwhelmed this season is to focus on and plan how we will create a balance in meeting the demands of the season. Plan your time out on a calendar for the month to see where your available time really is. Schedule all the holiday demands like appointments, your shopping, wrapping, baking, and cooking as obligations to yourself to help to release you from carrying that pervasive fear that somehow it won’t all get done. If you commit to a day you have planned for shopping and wrapping, keep your commitment to yourself first.
Overall, we need boundaries and limits with our time, energy, and money. If there is an event you dread each year, perhaps consider attending with a limit-staying perhaps only an hour, with another “commitment” to attend. (Even if that commitment is to yourself and your pajamas). Say yes, with limits. Pay attention to budgeting and overspending-many of us go into debt or overspend during this time. Develop a healthy amount you can spend and honor your commitment to your own financial security. Think about why you find it necessary to overspend. Gift giving is not a contest, choose with your heart; but choose also with the logical truths of your budget. Overspending has consequences well beyond December, fiscally and mentally.
Take care of your health even though it is a busy, hustle-bustle time. Don’t steal too much time away from your sleep, drink water, and eat something green (besides cookies) at least once a day. Mind your limits with alcohol. Your energy and cognition need to be in tip-top shape, with lots of commitments on your schedule and if spending time with your family is challenging.
Managing family stress is very important. Prepare for triggers to your emotional state. Almost everyone has that relative who talks about politics, criticizes, asks personal questions, or is insulting. Prepare scripts in advance for the inevitable issues, so you can use your logical mind to plan to stand up for yourself, versus the emotional response that can derail an entire party or your mental health. Take up space in your family, by speaking up for yourself or by not engaging in the same conflict year after year.
Pay attention to your mood and anxiety levels. Seasonal weather, including darkness and colder temperatures can cause our mood to feel lower than usual during this time of year. Be sure to talk to others you trust about your feelings. If the holidays are causing you to feel overwhelmed, share that with a support person to help find a healthy perspective or strategies to lessen the impact of the stress.
Give! Make a small effort to share something you can: your money, time, or a small gift with those less fortunate. This can make a huge difference to someone and can remind you to embrace gratitude towards your own circumstances. If you don’t have a family tradition around holiday giving, perhaps consider starting one. It is a wonderful way to teach our children about gratitude and charity.
Most importantly, be present. Stay in the moment and enjoy the special times that can happen during the holidays. Stay away from recording or posting on social media; instead put the phone down and share the actual moment. Focus on connection and experiences rather than how others will view your holiday. Take a hiatus from social media if you are being negatively impacted by everyone’s “perfect” holiday experiences.
If you know someone who has had a difficult year, or lost someone they love, check on them. A quick phone call or visit can really help someone feeling lonely, sad, and isolated. If you or someone close to you needs mental health support, reach out for help. So most importantly, allow space to enjoy all the holiday experiences, and don’t let the stressors steal our potential for joy.
Dr. Deborah Brown is the founder of Brownstone Center for Wellness, a unique professional mental health counseling practice in Northfield. Deborah can be reached for speaking engagements, collaboration, or for appointments at DrDeborah@brownstonecenter.co or 609-833-1644. Check out Brownstone Center at BrownstoneCenter.co.
