Moms Vibe:
By Krystle J. Bailey
This Mom’s Vibe is straight from the heart.
Every time I open my social media, there is another “Rest In Peace” post from one of my friends. The weight of the world feels heavy, as everyone around us is experiencing heartache, loss, and trauma in some way. As parents, experiencing our children’s grief can often be more heart wrenching than our own sadness.
I recently lost someone I love deeply. My children lost their beloved Pop-Pop this month. After a conversation with my six-year-old son, I took to Facebook to ask other parents about their experience with helping children process grief. The responses were heartbreaking, hopeful, and incredibly helpful. Mothers who had lost spouses, parents, and children all jumped in to offer resources and words of encouragement.
One look at Facebook tells me that so many children are experiencing a version of what mine are. The RIP messages are abundant and heartbreak is one thing we are not experiencing a shortage of. I am no grief professional. I am experiencing it in real-time as I write this. I am just a mom who knows that other moms need this information. I’ve collected the resources that were shared with me to pass along to you in hopes that someone reading will feel comforted by them.
Normalize Emotions
The common thread weaved throughout each response was to normalize what our children are feeling. Create space for them to feel anything that needs to come up. If they need to be sad, let them. If they need to be angry, confused, frustrated, or if they need to just go play, let them. In addition to normalizing their emotions, allow them to be witnesses to yours. It is common for parents to hide their emotions from their children, however allowing them to see our sadness gives them permission to fully feel their own. As hard as it is to see our children sad, it is a healthy part of the full human experience. Do your best to put each feeling into words, explaining to your child that there is no “wrong” way to process these emotions.
Create Memorials
Create a memorial garden or memory box for your loved one. Involve the children, asking them to collect pictures and items that remind your child of the person that they lost. This can include drawings, printed pictures, ornaments, or anything that makes your child feel connected. Conversation topics often arise through art. Look for opportunities to have healthy conversations.
Place the memorial in a special place and invite your children to explore it regularly, explaining that we can keep our family member’s memory alive by continuing to talk about them. Let the child lead as much as possible, offering prompting questions such as “what was your favorite thing to do with _____?”
Read Books
The most commonly suggested book for grieving children was The Invisible String by Patrice Karst. This inspiring book is great for loss as well as separation anxiety or a simple reminder that we are all connected. In The Invisible String, the mother explains to her two children that we are always connected to the ones we love through an invisible string tied to our hearts.
“An Invisible String made of love. Even though you can’t see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart and know that you are always connected to the ones you love.”
Other recommended titles include:
Someone I Love Died by Christine Harder Tangvald
The Memory Box: A Book About Grief by Joanna Rowland
Why Do I Feel So Sad? by Tracy Lambert
Resources
I am confident that available resources are endless. One of the first things I did for my children and my nephews was notify their teachers and guidance counselors. I explained to my kids that the counselors are available to them at any time during their school day.
The Alcove Center in Galloway offers grief support for children of all ages, adults, and families. Founded in 2001 by social workers Pat Smith and Mindy Shemtov, Alcove offers a variety of counseling services including telehealth meetings. Visit www.thealcove.org for more information.
Sesame Street has been a go-to resource for elementary education, inclusion, and love for decades. Grief support is no different. Sesame Street in Communities features a lineup of videos with our favorite characters discussing grief and loss. With free printable activities and conversation topics, Sesame Street offers a dose of familiar comfort during challenging times. Visit www.sesamestreetincommunities.org under the “topics” tab.
Grief is the hardest human experience. There are no rules, there is no timeline, and certainly no expiration date. They say raising children takes a village and I am certainly thankful for mine. I hope that if you are experiencing grief within your family that this column may serve as a small dose of comfort for you and your family.
Take care and be well, Shore Local Moms.
Krystle J Bailey. Multimedia journalist, Author, Poet.
Connect with Krystle on Instagram @thedailybailey5
