We all know the song, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” But as we’re driving to the supermarket, wrapping gifts, cleaning the house, cooking, decorating, and baking, we might not feel that way. The holidays can be magical, but they can also pile on pressure, expectations, and a to-do list longer than parkway traffic on a Saturday morning in July. Between parties, shopping, family gatherings, and end-of-year deadlines, it’s easy to reach New Year’s Eve feeling exhausted instead of energized.
So why is a season that’s supposed to be joyful so stressful? For starters, we expect perfection: the perfect tree, perfect gifts, and flawless family moments straight out of a greeting card. Real life is much messier. Budgets are tight, families are complicated, and many people are quietly dealing with loss, loneliness, or health concerns. Then there’s social media, where every scroll shows picture-perfect holidays and highlight reels from other people’s lives. We rarely see the burnt dinners, family arguments, messy hair, or piled-up dishes – in other words, real life.
The good news is that we have more control than we think. With a few shifts in mindset and some simple habits, we can dial down the stress and actually enjoy the season.
One of the biggest stressors is time. There never seems to be enough of it. Before the rush really hits, take a few minutes to map out your month. Write down everything you feel you “should” do, then circle the things that truly matter to you and your family. Maybe it’s Christmas Eve dinner at Grandma’s, a menorah-lighting with friends, or a quiet night driving around to see holiday lights. Give yourself permission to let go of the extras that don’t add meaning, even if you’ve “always done it that way.” Traditions are meant to serve you, not the other way around.
I used to spend endless hours “overdoing it” and I was completely wiped out at the season. I decorated the tree, the stairway, the mailbox, and the mantle. I hung outdoor lights and set up a Christmas train and village for my kids (of course they were younger) and then had to pack it all away. Little by little, the season started to feel more like work than joy, so I knew something had to change. I finally asked myself, what if I only kept the traditions that truly made me happy? Would the Christmas police come after me? Spoiler alert: they didn’t. Now I skip decorating every nook and cranny, send fewer holiday cards, and do less cooking and baking. I’ve shifted my focus to time with family and friends, and I feel far more relaxed and joyful all season long.
Money is another major source of holiday stress. You don’t have to go into debt to show people you love them. Set a realistic budget before you start shopping and stick to it. Consider a Secret Santa gift exchange, setting spending limits, or focusing on experiences instead of things, such as a family game night, tickets to a local show, or a day trip somewhere here at the Jersey Shore. Remember, kids are far more likely to remember how they felt than what they unwrapped. Think about your own childhood, do you recall every gift, or do you remember the laughter, traditions, and feeling of being together?
Then there’s the emotional side of the holidays. Family gatherings can be beautiful, and a little stressful. Old tensions may bubble up, or you may be feeling the absence of someone you’ve lost. If certain conversations tend to push your buttons, plan ahead. It is perfectly okay to excuse yourself, change the subject, or set boundaries. You might say something like, “Let’s save that topic for another time and just enjoy tonight.” Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. It’s normal to experience a mix of joy and sadness this time of year.
Taking care of your body is one of the best ways to protect your mind. The holidays can throw our routines out the window, but a little consistency goes a long way. Try to keep a regular sleep schedule as much as possible. Aim to move your body most days. Even a 10-minute walk around the block can clear your head and boost your mood. Enjoy the treats (because what’s the season without a few cookies?), but balance them with nourishing foods, water, and at least a few “normal” meals each week.
Stress shows up in your body, so it helps to teach your body how to relax. When you feel yourself getting tense, try this simple exercise: inhale slowly through your nose for a count of four, hold for four, then exhale through your mouth for six. Repeat a few times. This calms your nervous system and can help you respond instead of react. You can do it in the car, at a store, or even in the kitchen while the potatoes are boiling.
Don’t forget to build in little pockets of joy just for you. Maybe it’s 15 quiet minutes with coffee before the house wakes up, a holiday movie after dinner, or a quick catch-up with a friend. These moments aren’t selfish; they refill your tank so you can show up better for everyone else.
A lot of emotions can surface this time of year. If it is a struggle to get up in the morning, or you feel sad or lonely this time of year, please don’t go through it alone. Reach out to someone you trust and consider talking with a mental health professional. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and the holidays can make any emotions you’re carrying feel even more intense.
At its heart, the holidays are about connection with the people we love and with what truly matters to us. When we let go of perfection, say no to the things that drain us, and say yes to the things that nourish us, we can reduce stress and truly enjoy the season.
This year, instead of chasing a flawless holiday, aim for a meaningful one. Breathe, simplify, laugh at the little mishaps, and soak in the moments that make your heart feel full.
Robin Stoloff is a longtime South Jersey health reporter and host of Living Well with Robin Stoloff Sunday mornings at 10 on Lite 96.9 WFPG. Follow Robin on Facebook and Instagram or at LivingWellWithRobinStoloff.com for more health and wellness tips.
