By Bill Quain
Last week’s column was the first in my series on “money, sunny and honey” – the three categories in life that successful people grow. However, I decided to put the series on hold for Christmas and New Year’s. So let’s see what Six Words on a Boardwalk Bench tells us about the “season of joy.” In this week’s column, we’ll talk about traditions. Next week (just before New Year’s Day) the six words will be “Let’s make a last year’s resolution.”
We know how to do Christmas.
I know that some people who read this column don’t celebrate Christmas. However, whichever holiday you celebrate at this time of year, the same message still applies: “Keep the traditions.” As I look back on the way we do Christmas in our house, I realize just how much I know about celebrating this holiday the right way. By that I mean the unique combination of traditions that both my wife and I learned as children, and the way we’ve adjusted and broadened those traditions over the years since our first Christmas, forty years ago. I’m sure our kids will build their own traditions. But there will always be a strong sense of the past, no matter how many generations go by.
Christmas traditions: mine, hers ours, theirs
My wife and I each had strong Christmas traditions, but they were extremely different. I was raised Irish Catholic. So as a kid, Christmas was always wrapped up in a lot of church traditions. We had seven children in our family. All of us were always involved in church and school festivities, with plays, rehearsals, pageants, etc. Christmas morning’s present opening was always just a preamble to going to Mass. Of course, there was also the annual trek down into the city of Philadelphia to visit all the relatives. Then there was a big Christmas dinner somewhere, with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I always wondered why my mother didn’t seem very relaxed on Christmas Day. Maybe it was all the dressing up, cleaning, driving, etc. for our family of seven kids! It wasn’t until years later that I finally figured out why my mother treasured Christmas Eve more than the chaos of the next day. It was a tradition I brought with me to my Christmases with my wife and eventually, our kids. I adore Christmas Eve!
When I married my wife, Jeanne, I realized my Christmas experience was not universal. Jeanne’s family (as I was to discover) had an entirely different perspective on Christmas! Jeanne’s parents had a small family retail store. Even at a fairly young age, Jeanne and her two younger siblings worked in the store in the weeks leading up to Christmas. On Christmas Eve, (as soon as Jeanne was old enough to drive), the kids were dismissed early from the store to buy a Christmas tree. They brought it home, set it up, and decorated it. When Jeanne’s exhausted parents finally got home, everyone was ready for bed. The whole focus of Christmas was on the big day itself. Jeanne’s parents added chaos to the holiday mix by loading their kids into the car the very next day and driving from Long Island to Florida, where they had a week-long visit with Jeanne’s grandparents.
When we were first married, with no kids yet, Jeanne and I took advantage of this Christmas Eve vs. Christmas Day paradox. We would fly into Philadelphia a few days before Christmas and spend Christmas Eve with my family. Then, on Christmas Day, we would fly or drive to her parents’ house. One year, way back in the 1980s, we were the only passengers on a flight from Philly to Long Island on Christmas day. The pilots kept the cockpit door open and chatted with us throughout the flight, even making a nonscheduled turn to view the Statue of Liberty. Oh, how easy air travel was back then!
Having kids changes those Christmas traditions.
Christmas is wonderful, but it’s even better when you can share it with your own children! It’s amazing how your view of Christmas traditions changes when you decide what you want to pass on to the next generation. You can’t leave anything to chance. After all, this is how your kids are going to remember you. Besides the “when do we go to church?” decisions, there are many other admittedly not-so-important ones that suddenly take on huge importance. For example, “Do we put tinsel on the tree?” and “What kind of tree topper do we use?” It turns out that these critical decisions can often result in quite a few hours of discussion. Who knew?
By the way, we decided on no tinsel and a Tweety Bird complete with wings and a halo on top of the tree. We lived in Orlando when the kids were little. It was either Tweety Bird or Mickey Mouse on top of the tree!
Now Christmas is really their time.
We don’t have grandchildren (dare I say yet?), but Christmas is already changing as our children have grown up and moved away. We have to “share” one of our daughters with her in-laws every other year. However, this Christmas, we’re getting both our daughters, plus our son-in-law, home for the holidays!
Our son-in-law has his own family traditions. Their approach to Christmas is a real combination of the old and the new. My favorite “new” tradition is the Feast of The Seven Fishes. It’s something we all contribute to, and it’s on Christmas Eve – my still-favorite time. Plus it involves food, which is always a good thing.
We wish you a merry Christmas!
I thought these six words were a good way to sign off! As always, shoot me an email with your thoughts to bill@quain.com. To paraphrase the Old Man himself, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good week!”
Bill is a Professor in Stockton University’s Hospitality Management Program. He is the author of 27 books, and a highly-respected speaker. Even though he is almost totally blind, Bill is a long-distance runner and runs the Ocean City Half Marathon each year. He lives in Ocean City with his wife Jeanne, and his Guide Dog Trudy. Visit www.billquain.com or email him at bill@quain.com.
