Facing the Holidays Amongst Loss and Hardships
Letter from the editor
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” the radio plays as I’m driving down my road. How could it not be? With twinkling lights on the houses and trees, gifts, and traditions, it’s a month-long celebration of faith, family and hope. I love Christmas! This is usually the time of year I look forward to with great anticipation.
Like every year on the day after Thanksgiving, I began unpacking the boxes filled with lights and treasures from Christmas’ past. Initially it’s chaos, with boxes and tangled strings of lights all over. But slowly the lights and stockings were hung, and it was beginning to look just right. Yet, I felt something missing. More lights and wreaths perhaps? So, last week I got more decorations. Wreaths and lights were now everywhere. I outlined every window in the house with lights and added ribbons to the window wreaths. But still, nothing felt right. I kept going until my home was beginning to resemble Chevy Chases’s house in the holiday movie, Christmas Vacation. I slowly began to realize; I could not fill a hole in my heart with Christmas decorations.
Like many this year, we lost loved ones, our son and my brother. No amount of Christmas lights can fill that void. Whether it is the loss of a loved one, financial struggles or mental health issues, sometimes the Christmas season is NOT the most wonderful time of the year. The holidays can add to the sadness. The pressure of knowing you should be happy or that others are happy, adds another layer to the sadness.
So how can you celebrate the holidays amongst loss or troubling times? Here are some things that are helping me.
Change your expectations. Rewrite the script and create new traditions. I could not fathom the thought of our son not being a part of our holiday celebration. How can we incorporate our love and fond memories of him? We decided to each write a letter to him and place it in his stocking.
Let your perfectionism go. Maybe it is because I watch the Hallmark channel too much, but I struggle with this one. I have a vision in my head about what the holidays “should” look like. I need to remind myself that the tree can be lopsided, the gifts can be small and not wrapped like a work of art, and the cookies might get burnt. It’s okay, because that’s real life. What truly matters at the end of the day are the relationships, not the presentation of food or decorations.
Ignore or unfollow the people who want to tell you what you “should” do for the holidays or are constantly showing you how perfectly they do it. Remember, social media is nothing more than a highlight reel. The people behind it do not show the messy parts of their life, but trust me, they are there. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, trust your instincts and stay away. Unfollow them or better yet, take a break from social media altogether. Communicate with your family, and only do what works for you.
Seek gratitude. I know this is tough because it is 2020 so what could there be to be grateful for? Still, there is ALWAYS something. Try to find one daily gratitude throughout the holiday season. Write it down, photograph it and share it with others. It may lift them up, too. Look for the little things; a hot cup of tea, a warm home, a sweet pet, a friendly neighbor, a good meal, anything.
Lean into your faith and take care of your body through exercise or yoga. Take a walk outside. Carve out a small chunk of time every day for yourself. Self-care is not selfish. You cannot show up for others until you show up for yourself. It took me way too many years to acknowledge that.
If the holidays are hard for you this year, I am with you. I understand and I pray that 2021 will be a better year for all of us. Someday (hopefully soon), we will look back on this year and realize that we made it through. And we’ll be stronger and wiser because of it.
Peace & Love,
Cindy
