By Erica Hoffman
“Annie,” the hit Broadway show included the song, “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile.” There are so many “smile” euphemisms. “A smile is a friend maker,” “Use your smile to repair the world.” “Smiling strengthens your immune system.” We could fill pages with sayings. But what if you don’t like your smile or don’t even have a smile? What then?
I have had dental issues for as long as I can remember. As I got older, my teeth got worse and I smiled less. It got to a point where I was embarrassed to open my mouth at all, let alone go to a dentist.
A couple years ago I finally mustered up the courage to do the adult thing. With an unhealthy level of trepidation, I did everything I was supposed to do. I found a dentist who took my insurance, I called and got an appointment, actually remembered my appointment and shockingly, even kept it.
These may all seem like small wins, but for someone (AKA Me) who has crippling anxiety about – well, about almost everything, I learned a long time ago I have to count the little wins as well as the big victories or else, what’s the point?
On the way to the appointment that I dreaded for too many years; the logical side of my brain was fighting with the 12-year old scared side of my brain. They fought the whole way there.
The logical side was saying, “You’re going to see a dentist AND dentists don’t judge.” The 12-year old side of me wanted to turn the car around because the thought of opening my mouth to show anyone, even a dentist made me want to run. Good thing the 12-year old me didn’t know how to drive.
I got into the dentist chair, I prepared myself for the physical and emotional pain I deserved. It was time to meet this human that fueled my anxiety.
In comes the dentist. A nice enough guy. I started to relax a bit. Then he said, “Open wide.” He took a beat then – wait for it. He said out loud, as if I wasn’t even there, “Wow, well this is not good.” I would have said, “Thanks, doc, I know.” Had he not had every finger he has in my mouth.
Surprise! I never went back to that guy who scrunched up his face. I pretended the problem didn’t exist for years.
In time I knew I had to either learn to live with closed lips, pretend the problem away, or just deal with the pain and embarrassment. It took some time, but I am “adulting.” And it feels great.
I have a new dentist now. One who doesn’t judge and scrunch up his face. He didn’t shame me or dismiss my issues. He said, “I see the problem. Let’s fix it.” I did a happy dance right in the chair! He told me to stop moving.
In the not too distant future, I’ll never get dressed without my smile. Thank goodness we’re living in a world of masked faces.
What have I learned from this? We look back and see all the time we wasted worrying and figuring out what to do, but when we finally do what we’ve always been afraid to do, we wonder why we didn’t do it earlier. And the anxiety just kind of goes away…
Erica Hoffman was born in Atlantic City and is proud to be writing for Shore Local. She lives in South Jersey and enjoys finding and sharing the lighter side of life.
