By Charles P. Eberson
A Senior’s Observations,
Opinions and Rantings
Events of late have launched me into the question, “what is the meaning of friendship.” I never really considered the concept of true friendship until just a few years ago when I lost my best friend Paul to cancer. Paul and I had been friends since third grade and through the gaps that life throws at us, work, marriage, divorce, children and deaths, our friendship endured. We spoke every few days which carried us over until we would get together a few times a year. His passing left a void that would not ever be filled and I have come to terms with that.
My wife has said that I should cultivate new friendships but at this stage in my life, I don’t believe I have what it will take. The gestation period for elephants is almost two years. No matter how much you coax or cajole, it will stay almost two years. True rich and meaningful friendships also take time, a long time. I have made close friends at work. Together, we laughed, cried, partied, and shared. But time, separation and world issues have taken their toll.
Developing a friendship is like a dance of sorts. To elevate an acquaintance to a friendship, there must be a mutual exchange of close, personal issues and those issues should be received without judgement and in a positive manner. It is also important to support your friend in their endeavors as well as their challenges.
There is one individual with whom I have been friends since college. We talk on the phone every couple weeks, and most conversations last over an hour but little is asked about my life; my highs and lows, my wife and kids. I often find myself questioning the benefit of this friendship. A certain give and take is healthy in a friendship and I daresay, a necessity. As far as reciprocity is concerned, this friendship appears rather one sided but with over forty years of history between us, what to do? He values the time we talk. He has reached out to me during health and family concerns, so I have resolved myself to the role I have in our friendship.
Certainly, the pandemic, vaccine issue and politics have played a significant role in some former friendships where their sensitivities to those issues caused a breach in loyalties and shed light on how fragile the foundation of those friendships really were. Paul set a high bar for friendship; one that anyone would be hard pressed to meet, yet I have hope.
During our stay in Florida, with the help of a deep Facebook search, I located a former coworker and surfing buddy with whom I worked with over forty years ago. The crazy thing is that he and his wife live within a few miles of where we were staying. My wife and I went over to visit him and his wife and spent hours reminiscing and catching up. The following week, we met for lunch at a nice waterfront restaurant and the following week had them over to our place where we shared a meal and good conversation. We talked about our children, retirement, health and his job since he is still employed and facing the challenges of working alongside a younger work force. Perhaps this is the rekindling of an old friendship.
Have you paused to think of your role in the friendships you have? Be generous. It may not be all you need but it may be all someone close to you needs.
