Moms Vibe:
By Krystle J. Bailey
When I was offered the chance to write this column, I knew that I wanted to use the platform to speak love, light, and life into the lives of women throughout South Jersey. If you’ve read a Moms’ Vibe, you know, sometimes it’s filled with tips, recipes, projects, or summer activities, and other times, it’s straight from my heart to yours. This is one of those heart-led columns.
This one is for the women who struggle to see their worth, to love their bodies, and to see themselves as the goddesses that they truly are. As moms, we have this incredible opportunity to break generational cycles so that our children don’t have to face the same struggles we have.
Growing up in the 80s, 90s, and 2000s, we were constantly bombarded with information that reinforced the idea that we weren’t good enough. Our hair was never shiny enough, our bodies never thin enough, our skin never clear enough, and so on. As we ventured into adulthood, many of us have struggled with feeling less than, from our bodies to our careers and everywhere in between. However, as detrimental as the internet has the potential to be in this regard, it also carries so much healing power when we are reminded of our innate worth by influencers working to change the narrative.
In a recent post by TikTok star Elyse Myers, she said something so powerful. She said, “I was made aware of the size of my body long before I was ever taught to love it.”
She went on to tell the story of how a teacher in 7th grade made a comment about her body that has stuck with her in the decades that followed. In the video, she addressed the power of our words.
We grew up being taught the little jingle, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Well, we all know that’s not true. Words do hurt. They carry more power than sticks or stones and leave much deeper wounds, especially as they relate to our bodies and our worth.
Many of us in the thick of mothering right now have had similar life experiences when it comes to dieting and body image. Though it looks different on me than it might on you, most of us have dealt with feeling less than beautiful in our skin.
Piggybacking on Elyse’s post, I wanted to pass along a simple message: It is never going to be okay to make unsolicited comments on another woman’s body, even if it is well-intentioned.
While it feels natural to compliment someone on changes in their body, it’s important to remember that everyone’s path is different. How or why someone’s body has changed is personal to them. We must take into consideration why or how someone lost weight might not be because of dieting. We don’t know if they’re sick, struggling with stress and anxiety, started a new medication, have an eating disorder, or are in recovery from an eating disorder. We never know how words might trigger someone or hinder their internal healing.
Nobody would so freely comment about a woman gaining weight. We’d never make a comment on a post about how much weight they’ve gained or how big they’re getting, so why are we so quick to do it when someone is losing weight? Never taking into consideration that what is going on beneath the surface may be beyond what we can see.
While it may feel like commenting on someone’s weight or body is out of love, and your intentions are pure, for many women, it only confirms their biggest fear – that you must be thin in this world to be beautiful, worthy, or celebrated.
As a mom of a 12-year-old daughter, I am determined to be a part of the change. We have the power to break this unhealthy behavior, and I’m calling on you to join me. The next time you feel the urge to make a comment about someone’s body, either in person or on social media, take a pause. Ask yourself how else you might be able to compliment them. Maybe they look at peace, or they’re glowing. Maybe they look happy, at ease, or powerful. There are countless ways to celebrate another woman without it having anything to do with her weight or body.
We can create a brighter future for the next generation of women by doing the work now. Remember, you are, you always have been, and you will always will be more than enough!
Krystle J Bailey. Multimedia journalist, Author, Poet. Connect with Krystle on Instagram @thedailybailey5
