By Krystle J. Bailey
If you have ever taken a child on an airplane, you know the routine. The flight attendants go through the safety drills while half of the people on the plane pay attention and the rest of them are distracted by their phones or only half listening.
The flight attendants then specifically seek out each mother or caregiver on the plane and personally remind them that in case of emergency, to place their oxygen mask first. The flight captain has already included this instruction in his or her long safety speech so why do we need this personal reminder?
We’ve heard the analogy used a thousand times before but I think for the same reason the flight attendants look us in the eyes to make sure we heard the flight captain is why we need constant reminders to take care of ourselves.
As mothers and caregivers, it is in our nature to give and give until our proverbial cup is so empty that we have no choice to refill. We are currently in the dog days of summer after a year of homeschool, virtual school, hybrid or whatever version of chaos your household maintained last school year.
During a regular year, this is about the time that mothers begin feeling ready for September to roll around again but this year, that feeling is exacerbated. We are beyond exhausted and for most of us, the entire household is craving routine and normalcy, which can not seem to come soon enough.
This is a friendly flight attendant reminder that now is not the time to forget your oxygen mask. Now, more than ever, this is your time to take moments to breathe, recenter, and keep it together.
September will bring its own version of chaos with resuming activities, packed lunches, assemblies and so on. So, right now, I want to encourage you to slow down and let the stress go as we finish out this last leg of what has been the craziest school year of our lifetime.
Let Go of Guilt
Mom guilt is a real thing. Either we feel bad for being away from our kids too long on a mom-break or we worry about yelling too much. Whatever the source of that feeling is, remember that you are doing your absolute best.
Raising humans is no easy task. There are no handbooks, there is no guide, only your love and life experiences to get you through. The saying goes “if you wonder whether or not you’re a good mom, you already are.”
Take that to heart and just remember that you deserve to breathe too. You deserve breaks and coffee dates with friends, long baths and evening walks. You are allowed to feel frustrated sometimes as well. That’s a normal human emotion along with anger, overwhelm, sadness and of course happiness and joy. As whole humans, we are allowed to feel all of it and feeling anger or overwhelm does not make us bad mothers. It simply makes us human mothers. Take it all in stride.
Breathe
Phrases we hear regularly usually have overlooked meaning behind them. The saying “I haven’t had a chance to take a breath” reminds us that we often go through our days without stopping to focus on our breathing. Looking inward for even a moment throughout the day, noticing the breath fill your lungs and focusing on the exhale can give us just the amount of peace we need to keep going.
Try these breathing exercises throughout the day for a little private moment to yourself. Nobody even has to know that you’re shifting your focus for a moment. It is a private little escape in your mind.
1: Imagine a square. On the inhale, trace the square up the left side. On the exhale, continue the square across the top. Inhale on your way down the right side and exhale as you complete the square. Repeat as many times as necessary to feel your energy calming.
2: Elevator breathing exercise. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Imagine yourself at the top of an elevator on the 20th floor. Press the button for the ground level and breathe as you imagine slowly traveling back down to Level 1. Allow stress and anxiety to float away as you descend.
While these breathing techniques are helpful for us as mothers, they are also extremely valuable tools to teach our children, as they experience anxiety and overwhelm as well. The square technique is a great way for kids to calm anxious energy and can be used together as a family.
Ask For Help
There is no shame in not being able to do it all. I read something on Instagram that said, “We were not meant to do anything 24/7. We are allowed to need breaks. That includes motherhood.”
Whether you ask a spouse, a parent, or a friend, there is freedom in speaking up for yourself and your needs. If you need a break from the tribe, chances are they need a break from you too. Take it, don’t feel bad about it, and enjoy a moment to just be YOU. The you that you were before you became a mother. She’s in there, waiting for a little love and attention. Call on your village and ask for help, if even for a couple of hours to take a nap, get your nails done, or do something that revives your soul.
We are superheroes, mommas! But even superheroes need to grab their oxygen mask and put it on high for a little bit. This is your invitation to do that as many times as necessary. You are still one heck of a mother!
Krystle J Bailey. Multimedia journalist, Author, Poet.
Connect with Krystle on Instagram @thedailybailey5
