By Krystle J. Bailey
This is your invitation to take a deep breath. I know it’s a lot! We are dealing with so much right now as humans and as parents. We are living through unprecedented and challenging times. There isn’t a parenting book entitled, “What to Expect When You’re NOT Expecting 2020.” We were never groomed for this and we are figuring it out together day by day. Processing all of the thoughts, fears, and emotions for ourselves and then having to turn around and help our children process is the job of a Superhero. The good news is, you’re already wearing your Supermom cape.
As moms, we are infamous for putting the needs of others first and leaving ourselves with the scraps. We have a reputation for putting ourselves last under normal circumstances, even though we all know that we need self-preservation. Most of us try to make time for self care but we are givers, providers, and lovers, which means our kids and spouses tend to get the best of us.
In 2020, it’s more important than ever for us to nurture our mental health. Taking care of your mental health doesn’t need to look like face masks, long baths, and wine. Though, of course that sounds incredible. Self-care can be found in the little moments and everyday activities. In this week’s Moms’ Vibe column, I want to share with you little pieces of joy, gratitude, and peace that I have found in the midst of the chaos.
There is nothing like Summertime iced coffee. When I am working, traveling, and living my normal life, I always have an iced coffee in my hand. It took me some time to warm up to the idea of ordering coffee out in the age of Covid-19 but since I opened that door, morning iced coffee from Dunkin has been my little slice of normalcy. Holding onto bits of “normal” in this new, weird world we are living in has kept my feet on the ground. Whatever that little slice of normal looks like for you, make it happen for yourself. Whatever you need to do to stay grounded and sane, make sure you make time for that.
Meditation is always powerful. If you find yourself currently unemployed, there is a meditation app called Headspace that is offering free memberships for those unemployed due to Covid-19. Taking just a few minutes a day to check in with yourself can make all the difference in the world. I try to also include the kids on occasion. The key word there is “try.” There are meditations for the family on Headspace, as well as anywhere on the internet. Settling in a safe, calm space together sets the tone for the rest of the day or even the next hour.
Recently, I started deleting social media apps off of my phone for several days at a time. I get caught up in the scroll, the opinions, and the hate that can consume social media feeds. I found myself angry more often than not, which is not the way I want to live my life. I kept my Facebook account but deleted the app off of my phone and experienced the sigh of relief my mind needed. Give it a shot! Everything on social media will still be there when you get back. I know many moms use their social media for business but keep in mind that if the social media feed is disrupting your peace in the way I felt like it was disrupting mine, that break from it will make you a better business woman, a better mom, and an all around better you.
Turn off the news. Watch a Lifetime movie or something fictional to get lost in. Better yet, turn the screens off altogether and pick up a good book. I recently read Untamed by Glennon Doyle, which was a beautiful ode to wild women everywhere. I also got lost in the beautiful story found in Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens. There is something so relaxing about getting lost in a good book. My next reading adventures are all the works of the great Maya Angelou.
Kindness and the support of others nurtures the soul as well. My good friend Jill started sending little kindness notes in the mail to all of her friends. We all get to open a smile in the mail and I know Jill gets so much joy out of sending them. In the spirit of giving, I bought some farm fresh eggs for my sister-in-law and she returned the joy giving with ears of Jersey corn. These little gestures spark joy and gratitude that remind us we are all human beings, in this life together, trying to figure it all out.
We are built to be connected as humans. I know we are living in a time when being physically together isn’t encouraged but that doesn’t mean we neglect togetherness altogether. Socially distant playdates for the kids have helped them get their energy out while also offering me some social interaction. If you’re not ready for that yet, I totally understand. Don’t forget to take advantage of those Zoom happy hours or the opportunity to just pick up the phone and call a friend. We are not meant to do life alone.
Write, paint, create. This is especially relevant for our children who are also going through stressful and uncertain times. My house is quite the makeshift art studio right now, as my kids have taken over with expressing themselves through art. I read in the beginning of quarantine that this is already a traumatic situation for our children to be pulled out of school and kept at home, that it’s up to us to not make it more traumatic. With that sentiment in mind, I have eased up my expectations when it comes to mess. My kids love to experiment in the kitchen, paint whatever is on their mind, and build forts that make them feel safe. I’m no perfect mom so trust me, I get overwhelmed with the chaos sometimes but overall, I’ve tried to let them express their emotions through various avenues of creativity. The mess won’t last forever. Covid-19 won’t last forever either. We will never get this time back. Eventually, we will all be back to being busy and running from activity to activity. So, for now, I am doing my best to lean into what is right here for me.
Of course, there are a million ways to make sure we continue to take care of our mental health. I just want to encourage you to keep your well being at the top of your mind. If you are struggling with your mental health, seek help. There is never any shame in asking for help. I strongly encourage online counseling. Before all of this even began, I was using BetterHealth.com for my own mental well-being. Check out your insurance’s telehealth options for virtual counseling as well. Most of all, never be afraid to ask for some support. We all need it!
Momma, you are doing great! Don’t let anybody tell you any different. You are loved, gifted, and strong beyond words. Keep on keeping on. We are all in this together.
Until next time,
Krystle
Krystle J Bailey. Multimedia journalist, Author, Poet
KrystleJBailey.com
