By Erica Hoffman
I think we can all agree “adulting” is not easy. If you want to do it right, it takes time. With the monsoon of life obligations thrown at us, it’s easy to put your relationships or even the feeling of wanting more of them in your life, on the back burner.
Alas, my reader comrades, we must be willing to put ourselves out there in situations where we feel out of our comfort zones. If we don’t, we’re in danger of living out our lives friendless. In my case, that is a sad reality. To avoid this, here are a couple ways to position your mindset and yourself in situations conducive to meeting potential new friends.
Assume That People Like You
A lot of what stops someone from starting anything is the personal narrative that, for whatever reason, “people don’t like me.” With that thinking, you won’t leave the house, let alone be vulnerable enough to put yourself out there to make new friends. Never fear; this one is an easy fix. So easy it’s a cliché: fake it til’ you make it. Studies have shown that if you are led to believe the person you are about to meet already likes you, you will act in ways that make this belief more likely to come true.
Initiate
There is a myth that friendship happens organically, and maybe that was true in grade school. Heck, making friends growing up depended less on liking the same things and more on being in the same class. Unfortunately, that’s just not the case anymore. If you want to make new friends, you have to put in real effort, and you have to say ‘yes’ when someone puts in the effort towards you.
Commit
Look for events you can attend together. This may seem obvious, but we’re not just talking about buying tickets to a show two months from now. Think about ongoing events like book clubs, cooking classes, or an adult sports league. Science tells us people are more inclined to like someone if they know they will see them again. If that’s not enough incentive for you, signing up for classes, a league of some kind, etc… will most likely come with some financial aspect. So, if you’re not going to do it to solidify a friendship, do it to not lose whatever financial investment you put in.
Lastly, I’ll leave you with a few ideas for meeting new people.
Tips for meeting new people
Explore local library boards – yes, they still exist, and they are still helpful.
Get a dog (Then get the app “Paway”)
Read Shore Local on a bench on the boardwalk (We’re a great conversation starter.) Always pick up two copies for a guaranteed connection, one for you and one for the friend you’re about to meet.
Look for volunteering opportunities. Help yourself while helping others. Win-win.
Try out apps like Meetup, Reddit, and Nextdoor – All suited to help you find people in your area with your interests.
Reconnect with old friends. While looking for new friends, try reconnecting with old ones. You might be surprised how easy it is to pick up where you left off with certain people from your past.
Start your own group. Maybe you’re not finding what you’re looking for. Chances are, other people feel just like you… and it’s your job to find them.
Join a gym – And if you don’t make new friends, at least you’re in better shape!
Introduce yourself – It’s oddly hard sometimes, but (and here’s another cliché’ alert) strangery are friends you haven’t met yet. Say hi; the worst thing that can happen is that they don’t respond. But more often than not, you’ll find you aren’t the only person looking for genuine connections.
And if none of that works, always remember to carry around a pack of gum. Few people don’t like the person who always has a stick of gum when you need it.
Erica Hoffman was born in Atlantic City and is proud to be writing for Shore Local. She lives in South Jersey and enjoys finding and sharing the lighter side of life.
