By Krystle J. Bailey
Nate’s new book, “I LOVE YOU; LETTERS OF LOVE FROM BLACK MEN TO BLACK BOYS,” aims to normalize affection and love between black men and boys. Nate, along with 12 other local, successful, black men poured their hearts onto the pages of this love letter to young boys.
In the dedication, Nate writes, “As black males, there is a stigma for us to be tough and never show our emotions.” He goes on to say, “Real strength occurs when we are willing to be vulnerable. Real strength comes from admitting where we are weak. Real strength comes from God.”
It’s this stigma that Nate and his colleagues seek to eradicate through letters of L.O.V.E. The L.O.V.E. acronym represents Listening, being Open-Hearted, Validating, and Encouraging. The “LOVE” concept came from a weekend conference that Nate attended in 2019 at which he listened to the words and insights of Dr. Michael Lindsey. In one of Dr. Lindsey’s opening remarks, he stated, “Love black men and children as if they’ve never been hated.”
That quote sparked something incredible in Nate. He knew that while he may not have the education or resources just yet to provide mental health services in his community, he did have the ability to love. He knew that he could show up, love unconditionally, and continue his mission to “change what we normalize.”
Growing up, Nate spent most of his childhood bouncing around from home to home. Throughout elementary school, he attended nine different schools, as he moved in with different family members. His struggling mother was doing the best that she could to make sure that he was provided for, which often meant moving to new towns with new home situations.
During that time, Nate witnessed gang violence, domestic abuse, and drug use. Surrounded by trouble, basketball was Nate’s saving grace. He played in various leagues and eventually earned himself a basketball college scholarship in Tennessee. Upon arriving in Tennessee, shortly after the sudden passing of his grandfather, Nate was able to think with clearer air than back home in Pleasantville. That’s when Nate became aware of his struggles with mental health. After his first semester, Nate returned home to NJ.
After several life-altering events, he eventually moved in with his now fiance and was encouraged to return to school while continuing to face issues with his mental health. After a basketball injury, Nate found himself more depressed than ever. Though limited by a boot on his foot, a close friend began taking Nate to the gym. It was in the gym locker room that Nate first experienced what vulnerability in a conversation with black men could look like. He began spending time with two older gentlemen.
Nate explains, “It was the first time that I sat with black men and had conversations about real life things, not women or sports. We talked about a lot of things that I never felt comfortable speaking about. Where I grew up, you didn’t talk about your emotions, you just “pray it away” and don’t speak about it. That began a healing process for me.”
Nate went on to pursue mental health therapy and a road to healing. He now encourages the men and women in his family to do the same. While Nate is currently pursuing his master’s degree to become a therapist, he spends most of his time and energy loving on and encouraging those in his community to begin their journey to healing.
It’s that commitment to his community that fueled the writing of “I Love You.” As Nate was in the process of writing his latest book, he had a revelation that the book would need to be about more than just his story. He started speaking with his friends and colleagues about this “watered down” idea of love between black men and boys.
Together, they began normalizing telling each other that they love one another. They began to have hard conversations, and show emotion that they weren’t previously accustomed to showing. These 13 men took their vulnerabilities and put it on paper as a gift to future black men.
Throughout the book, readers are offered digestible, heartfelt letters written from the hearts of Nate Evans Jr., Ty Lewis, Tywane Russell, Les Squair Jr., Michael Forest, Alex Speaks, Darrell Edmonte, Ricardo Belgrave, Alan Laws Jr., Tiriq Callaway, Ruben Stewart III, Tony Chatman, and Christian Ragland.
One reader hailed, “I Love You; Letters of Black Men to Black Boys” as a great read and discussion piece that should be in the homes of every black male and in every church library.
Pick up your copy of “I Love You; Letters of Black Men to Black Boys” on Amazon or www.iloveyoubooks.com.
