By Bill Quain
Welcome to week three of my “Change Your Odds, Imagine the Probabilities” series. This week’s “Six Words on a Boardwalk Bench” will really help you change the odds in your life. Look, you’ll never even start the race if it is too hard to move. And you’ll never finish any journey if you are too bogged down with useless baggage.
We all pack our own baggage.
During our lifetime, people do hand us a lot to carry. Parents, friends, enemies, teachers – they all make simple, unintended remarks. Sometimes the remarks are cruel, and sometimes they’re funny, but over time, they add up. If we’re not careful, pretty soon we’ve built a sizable freight load of uncomfortable memories to slow us down — and maybe even stop us in our tracks.
The fact that we all “pack our own baggage” is both bad and good news. It’s bad news because we are letting other people take us out of the race. But it’s good news, because if we packed it, we can unpack it!
Two Big Pieces: Guilt and Fear
Look at the woman in the drawing. She’s carrying around two huge bags: guilt and fear. But that’s just the containers! Let’s look at what might be packed inside.
Guilt: I see my students carrying around this piece of baggage. It is crammed full of guilt trips like “privilege,” “inequality” and “favoritism.” Those buzzwords are thrown around today to make successful people feel guilty about being successful, in my opinion. I think it takes away the feeling of satisfaction they get when they do something really extraordinary. In today’s victim vs. victimizer culture, no one is exempt from guilt except the people who lay it on others. I’ve seen really good people apologize for their accomplishments, and make statements like “Well, I know I’m privileged, but…” Imagine how hard it is to set and work towards goals when you’re afraid that someone will call you out on them. But guilt isn’t just a modern piece of baggage. I was raised Irish Catholic. I still look behind me, even to this day, and see that big “guilt” bag.
Fear: Now here’s a bag that is stuffed full of interesting items that just drag you down and hold you back. It’s amazing what people are afraid of. Fear of rejection is common. Fear of public speaking is another common item in that bag. But there are also other fears, like fear of heights, strangers, darkness, etc. that come from almost evolutionary origins. Then there are the irrational fears that can paralyze us but are not real to anyone but us. For a great book on this topic, check out “Mommy There’s a Shark in the Pool!” by Anne Robson Dice and Lydia Anne Dice. It’s a great self-help guide for childhood anxiety.
People are always handing us baggage.
Many years ago, I was running a ten-mile race in New Orleans. I got off to a tremendous start and was catching up to other runners along the course. Just as I pulled up to two guys who beat me in most every race, it started to rain buckets. But I kept up with them until one said to the other, “You know what I hate about running in the rain? My shoes get wet, and then it feels like ten-pound weights on each foot.” Well… once he made that statement, it was all I could think about. My great race was over. I watched them pull away and never caught up with them again.
Folks, we sometimes let others put stuff into our baggage. We hold the bag wide open and watch as they throw items into it. Sometimes, it’s things we never thought of before. Sometimes it’s an item of fear or guilt that we have forgotten about, but that someone close to us knows about. I don’t know how those two guys knew that I would be prone to their suggestions, but there I was, holding the bag open, and they threw in the one thing I couldn’t get away from.
Step 1: Get a smaller bag.
Look, you’re never going to get rid of your capacity to carry around guilt and fear. So make your mind up that you are only going to pack a small amount of stuff, and mentally, imagine a smaller guilt and fear bag. This allows you to put something in there, just so you won’t feel guilty about not feeling guilty, or be afraid that you forgot a fear, and that it will crash down on you just because you got so cocky! I mean… you gotta have something, right?
Step 2: Unpack just one item.
Don’t try to get rid of all those things all at once. Give yourself a break. Remember, you aren’t trying to change your odds completely. You are just increasing the probability that you will succeed. You’ve got a lifetime of things in those bags. It will take a lifetime to get rid of all of them.
Step 3: Put some wheels on that baggage.
Relax, if you’ve read the first two articles in this series, you’ll know that we aren’t running marathon races, where the finish line is far away from the starting line. You’re going to run short races and get in the habit of winning. When you see just how easy it is to win, suddenly, those bags won’t seem so heavy. Winning puts wheels on your baggage. That’s a six-word story you can take to the bank!
We’re at this week’s finish line.
OK, that’s it for this week. Shoot me an email to bill@quain.com with your “baggage” stories. As I say each week, I’ll see ‘ya in the papers!
Bill is a Professor in Stockton University’s Hospitality Management Program. He is the author of 27 books, and a highly-respected speaker. Even though he is almost totally blind, Bill is a long-distance runner and runs the Ocean City Half Marathon each year. He lives in Ocean City with his wife Jeanne, and his Guide Dog Trudy. Visit www.billquain.com or email him at bill@quain.com.
