By Chistina Schiaretta
This time of year used to feature parents leaping through the aisles of Walmart, throwing crayons, number 2 pencils, notebooks, lunch boxes, backpacks, and you-name-its into a cart like confetti. We overspent because let’s face it, we were thrilled for our precious babies to go back to school.
Some of us can do that this year. Many can’t. We are now having to recreate our lives by figuring out how to virtually homeschool and work, or take care of the home, or raise babies and toddlers, or even just exist. Every parent is dealing with similar issues. Not every parent is responding in the same way. That is normal and okay. Yet today, I want to challenge you to show up in a way that may be difficult, but that will profoundly impact your community. I want to challenge you to show up with grace, mercy, love, generosity, and support.
Throughout the last 5 months, I haven’t had one clue how to react to virtual learning or distance learning. I’ve been busy figuring out how to master my thoughts, anxieties, and emotions while also trying to show up as a mom and a wife, hold my business together, and be a leader for my team among many other roles in my life. I feel like I’ve been beaten up, yet also built up super fast. You see, failure is the foundation of success. The more we fail, the better we get. This applies to our new virtual experience too.
Each failure is an opportunity to learn and grow. The faster we fail and get up and fail again, the faster and closer we move toward excellence. I have failed so hard and so fast since COVID-19 hit. Yet it has produced some invaluable lessons for me, one of the most important being this: my anxiety about COVID-19 comes from uncertainty, which makes me feel as though I have no control. However, that is a lie. It’s always a lie.
I do have control. I have control over myself, including over my thoughts and reactions. Virtual school will not kill me. It will be hard. It is hard. I am in the middle of the first day of school and it is so rough. However, I’ve seen kids walking to school barefoot through monsoon waters and across a tree so I think I’ll make it. We’re in the middle of a world crisis. It is survival time, and I have to realize that the precious comforts that I had the opportunity to enjoy before are gone for now. I can choose to sulk in my frustration, or accept it and move forward. Here’s what I know: the more quickly I choose to accept reality, move forward, and to support my community with grace and empathy, despite whatever is in front of me, the stronger my community will come out on the other side.
I have learned this lesson over and over again throughout my life. Today, I thought I’d share one of my favorite lessons on this. When I was nineteen, I traveled to a remote village in Bangladesh. It was six hours outside of the capital, Dhaka, where we were staying. To get to this village, we had to take the following modes of transport: SUV, rickshaw, ferry, walking, SUV, canoe-type boat, hike, and a donkey. Okay, just kidding on that last one, although that would’ve made it so much more epic.
All of the travel was worth it when we arrived. What I found was pure magic. This community was not nearly what I had ever experienced, growing up at the Jersey Shore! The homes were simple construction of wood or metal sheeting or more often, simply just cow dung. Yep, I said that. People live in homes made of cow poop. That’s a thing in 2020, not just in Jesus’s times. That was enough to culture-shock me as a nineteen-year-old girl. The community we were visiting lived together, worked together, played together, worshipped together, and even ate together. They did life together. It was beautiful. Everyone in this community pulled their money together to buy a cow to cook, just because we were visiting. They all gave in their week’s pay. They didn’t even have electricity. It was humbling to the absolute core.
Oh by the way, did I mention their church was destroyed in the monsoon, months before? These people overflowed with love, grace, mercy, and generosity even though their church (which was the most important thing to them) had been washed away. It was now being rebuilt on an island, with no access except by boat. Imagine getting construction materials on a canoe and rowing it to a small island over vast floodwaters. Talk about showing up for your community.
I’m not talking about a community with money to do this. I am talking about people with absolutely nothing, who had to rebuild with what little resources they could pull together. Yet, this community was so full of joy and generosity, even when times were unbelievably tough. They didn’t let the monsoon define or defeat them. They didn’t start blaming each other and allow division to come into the community. They knew it wasn’t the community’s fault. It was a situation that happened that no one was equipped to handle, yet they did handle it. They handled it together. They united and persevered. I’m sure they failed along the way. However, they found a way not just to rebuild, but to build stronger. They were not just rebuilding; they were rebuilding stronger so that if a monsoon were to come again, their place of worship would withstand. Wow, what a lesson.
You see, it wouldn’t have made sense if they had allowed division to come into the community. They needed unity, grace, and support in order to stand back up and come out stronger. They all needed each other. Each member of the community had a different job. Some would cook. Some would take care of the kids. Some would farm, or fish, or travel to market, or sell goods, or build structures, or whatever. They all served however they could. Everyone was needed and everyone was appreciated, because of how they showed up when times were tough. Two days in that village and I was changed forever. Here’s what I learned: the grace, love, and support (or lack thereof) that you show your community during tough times will define you and will impact your community for generations to come.
What would have happened if they would’ve divided instead of united? What if a portion of the community decided they didn’t want to do extra work or whatever needed to be done because of the monsoon? The church might not be around for them or for the generations to come. Life is hard everywhere, but you’re in control of your response in tough times. Your community needs you to show up with grace, mercy, and support right now. We need you to choose empathy. I am challenging you this week. These are your people, like it or not. Give grace. Give mercy. Give love. Be empathetic. Try to understand someone besides yourself. Be generous. Be supportive. You got this. Until next time Shore Locals, I am sending you peace, love, and good vibes from my quarantine home to yours!
Chistina Sciarretta is a mom, wife, & CEO of Rockstar Real Estate & Media Group at Keller Williams Jersey Shore as well as the Founder of Rockstar Moms of Atlantic County. Atlantic County’s local Moms’ Group, You can find her blog and podcast online at rockstarjerseyshore.com.
