What would you change?
By Charles P. Eberson
Senior Moments
My wife and I have been spending time in a “fifty five and over” community in Florida this past winter and I would have to say, I think the majority haven’t seen fifty five in quite some time. Nevertheless, many of these people with all of their maladies are living a rich, active and full life.
We began sharing our personal stories with each other as the languid days of sunny Florida rolled by. But as I sat listening to a group of them in a mock argument during cribbage, I couldn’t help but wonder what it is that they don’t share? What occasionally creeps in between the spaces and if I ask, will that bruise our new friendship?
I decided to throw caution to the wind and start with Murry (Moishe) since he was the first one who befriended us and introduced us to his social group. Murry is 82 years young, originally from Israel. He is an Israeli Army veteran, a former professional soccer player for Israel and is a frequent, highly competitive pickleball player. So, I asked, “Murry, if you could, what would you have changed in your life? What would you have liked to be different?” Murry looked me in the eye and said “I would have liked my parents to have lived to see me play soccer.” I was moved by his honesty and my curiosity was aroused and so, the questioning began.
Scott – 69 years old. Scott wishes he had never started smoking. He attributes many of his health ailments to the habit although, when he was developing emphysema, he did switch to Marlboro Lights. Brilliant.
Marty-92 years old. Marty exercises in the pool for over an hour then goes on to play shuffleboard. I never would have guessed his age. In his youth, Marty joined the Navy and got seasick. He would have liked to finish college, join the ROTC, enlist in the Air Force and then teach at Rutgers, retiring with a double pension. As long as he ended up with the same wife, he added. Smart man.
Fred-70ish. After hearing the question, Fred just leaned back, paused, looked at the sky and said, “wow.” It was apparent that Fred was a very structured individual; a planner. He planned out a schedule for a courtship, marriage, buying a house and children. Everything went according to plan except conceiving the children, which took years. In hindsight, he would have married his wife earlier resulting in them having children and grandchildren sooner.
Karen-70ish. Karen attended college in southern California during the Vietnam anti war demonstrations in which she was an active participant. She had aspirations of being an attorney and I could see her in that role. She is a highly intelligent woman with strong opinions and is active in negotiations with the HOA. But as Karen put it, every time she returned to her hometown, she contracted a “marital disease” twice standing at the altar, thus derailing her career. Twice divorced, she now aids her aging mother. Karen would have liked to have completed her schooling and pass the Bar.
Sammy-late 60’s from Conn. Out of all the interviews, Sammy answered the quickest and without hesitation. He made a bad financial decision from which he never recovered. Out of respect, I didn’t push it but his close friend, also involved, volunteered the information which confirmed the seriousness and significance of the deceptive scheme. Yet, Sammie continues to come to the pool, play cribbage, pickleball, lay in the sun, travel and enjoy his life. My time with these people was limited and I would have liked to have taken a larger sampling but it was such a heartwarming experience. I learned a lot and was flattered that each of them sat down with me, someone they hardly knew, and gave me a peek into their personal thoughts.
As I looked around at others in the community, I thought this may be the start of something larger. We can all learn from one another.
If you could, what would you have changed in your life? Email shorelocalchuck@gmail.com
Charles Eberson has been in the newspaper business for over 25 years. He has worked as a writer, advertising executive, circulation manager and photographer. His photography can be viewed at charles-eberson.fineartamerica.com
