Changing Intentionally
By Charles P. Eberson
Senior Moments
Last December, my father-in-law lost his wife, my wife’s mother.
She was a strong force in his life as well as in the lives of her entire family. Her absence created a huge vacuum, as you can imagine.
My father-in-law came over to our home recently to have a conversation with my wife. My wife is the eldest child and also one who is given to deep philosophical and theological thinking, so it is no surprise that he came to her seeking her perspective.
I didn’t want to intrude on what I knew would be a deeply personal and sensitive discussion. While they sat on our porch, I stayed in the house to give them the privacy the occasion warranted, but not before I overheard a question he asked: “What is my purpose now?”
In all of my years, I don’t think I’ve ever asked myself that question. It’s a question that I believe many seniors, especially widowed seniors, may be faced with. But I never gave it any thought until he brought it up.
I was working to buy a house, support my family, be a good father, husband, employee, etc. The concept of “purpose,” although it may have described my motivation, never really entered my mind.
But as the obligations of going to work and raising children are no longer required, what replaces these obligations? Add to that the loss of a spouse, to whom one has perhaps the greatest responsibility, and the question of purpose becomes even more profound.
As a senior, I attempt to fill my time with various projects and other obligations, but since our son, his wife and children recently relocated out of state, even more time is on our hands.
The greatest asset we have as humans is our mind, and if we can get out of our own way, we can use it to define our “purpose,” or at the very least if the word “purpose” is too restrictive, we can find our joy, happiness, and contentment.
We are extremely fortunate, in this information age, that there is help literally at our fingertips. With a few clicks of the mouse, one can discover ways to ameliorate the feelings of loss of purpose and meaning.
For example, a person can explore their creativity, change their routine, expand their horizons with new groups, people, volunteering or learning something new. They can lean into religion more, start a journal, chronicle important periods of their life or start the day with affirmations about what makes them feel grateful.
What is important here is that at least my father-in-law asked the question in the first place, and that is a healthy sign. It is a sign that he recognizes a need for change, and when that need is recognized, the mind becomes a fertile ground to embrace those changes.
This transition may not follow a linear path, however. There may be ebbs and flows, gains and losses as well as a few course corrections thrown in for good measure.
My intention is to print out whatever material from websites that I feel will aid him in his new journey, and then print out another copy for me.
Charles Eberson has been in the newspaper business for over 25 years. He has worked as a writer, advertising executive, circulation manager and photographer. His photography can be viewed at charles-eberson.fineartamerica.com
