By Andrew Hoffman
In my last article, I wrote about the second of three points of view that come into play with funerals. We looked at the immediate families’ perspective and my own feelings at my mother’s service. It was very gratifying to hear from all the people she touched in her life. However, not everything was positive. This disappointment involves some backstory.
When I started my journey to become a funeral director, I had no real guidance. That changed after college. I was in a work study program at a funeral home. They had a senior funeral director that was associated with the mortuary school as an embalming instructor. At school I was made aware of an award given out to a student upon graduation who showed the most growth and skill. I immediately went to him I would do everything in my power to earn the award. He took me under his wing and showed me everything that he knew as I worked alongside. At graduation I received the award. I was so grateful to my mentor.
I kept in contact with him, calling him often. I felt very close to him and when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. He was kind and supportive. When my mother died, he was one of the first people that I called. I told him about the services with the intention that he would come.
My mother’s services came and went but he never showed up. I was very hurt. The point I am trying to make is that we are all special to others. If we don’t show up for them in their time of need it can be devastating. For me, when my mentor didn’t come to my mother’s it felt like a slap in the face to my loss, like he didn’t care. Maybe he had other commitments or an emergency, but he could have called or written to tell me that. The bottom line is, if you are a supportive person you need to show up to the important milestones. A funeral/memorial service counts as one of those moments.
Andrew B. Hoffman is a funeral director at Jeffries and Keates and Keates-Plum Funeral Homes. He is a twenty-two year veteran of the funeral industry.
