By Gabriella Bancheri
On Tuesday, Nov. 28, brothers Elijah and Isaiah Langford organized and hosted a dinner for grieving parents who have lost a child. Following the event, I had the opportunity to speak with Elijah and the boys’ mother, Nynell Langford, regarding the event. It was a really valuable chance to glean a bit of their incredible optimism.
The family started the event in 2003 when they lost their daughter and sister, Mariah Langford, who was just four years old at the time of her passing. The 2003 event began as a dinner with a few of their friends and family whom they knew had lost a loved one. The family was adamant about Mariah’s life not being forgotten and ensuring the memory of her life after she’d passed.
The event in 2003 started with a call to a friend whom Nynell knew was grieving. Then that dinner turned into a party of twelve. From 2003-2010, that number grew from twelve to fifty. The family stopped organizing the dinner in 2010, but Elijah and Isaiah decided to pick it back up this year, which would mark the 20th anniversary of Mariah’s passing.
Twenty years after the initial event, there were over 200 guests present. However, Nynell very pointedly reminded me of what this means: that “the number is nothing to be proud of”. The only thing this means is that families are losing their loved ones.
Isaiah and Elijah Langford are the faces of DEMCATS, a philanthropic group that centers around community healing and social issues (not to be confused with any political connotation, as they stated in our interview).
The boys have been planning initiatives like this since they were old enough to organize them, but they needed a snappy, catchy name for social media. Nynell suggested COOLCATS, but because slang was starting to catch on when the boys came up with the name about twelve years ago, DEMCATS seemed a more original fit for them.
For their most recent event, Nynell assures that the credit should go to her sons. “This is Elijah and Isaiah’s initiative,” she said, and states that she was there this year as a mother and supporter in contrast to her many years of work having organized the event in the past.
The boys were only ten and five when they lost their sister. At such a young age, they had to learn how to process, deal with and live with grief. Today, their family is “grateful to have the strength to take that grief and make some lemonade, not just for us but for other people.”
Of this year’s event, Nynell said, “the response was overwhelming — people who attended years ago who came back.” Nynell also clarified that the goal for the event was “not [to be] a second funeral for their child,” but rather to “almost bring their child into the present” and live with them for a night.
The evening invited all grieving parents, from those who lost children to gun violence to those whose children were ill. The 100 sets of parents that attended were given the chance to get up and say their child’s name — to speak their existence into the room.
For those 100 parents who lost their children, there was no charge. The event was much more than a get-together to remember and revive their loved ones. There were gifts, grief counselors, a motivational speaker, and more on-site, making the impact of the evening last long after the dinner was over. The goal of this was to supply these families and parents with things they’ll need for as long as they need them.
There was, as the family described, “an unspoken language that was understood.” If a mother sobbed at the dinner table, her cries weren’t met with strange looks and discomfort but rather empathy and understanding. It was essentially a safe space where “no one had to explain their grief.” No one felt the need to apologize or explain their emotions because everyone around them already understood.
To end the night, everyone sang “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge, because as Nynell said, no matter your background, race or religion, “when that happens to you, you are the same.”
Because the number of attendees was so high this year, and because it would be projected to be even higher in coming years, Nynell mentioned there would likely be a concern about space when holding the event in the future. However, she assured Shore Local that her sons had more projects in the works. This specific event will likely be available to attend in years to come.
DEMCATS has a website that is under construction while they work on a domain name, and there is a Facebook group in the works. In the meantime, you can check them out on Instagram at @demcats.
Ultimately, the family exemplifies the healing power of coming together in times of crisis and pain and the importance of community. As Nynell says, “if we all do a little, no one has to do a lot.” Elijah echoes that philosophy and says that he hopes that people are “wise enough to stand together as a community and support these parents.”
I personally think there’s a lot to glean from this conversation with Nynell and Elijah, especially in times when communities feel especially divided. It’s up to us to put religion and politics aside and, in times like this, for empathy to prevail. As the family said, “when we are banded together, we can do so much.”
Gabriella is a Ventnor City resident and graduate of the University of London with an MA in Creative Writing and Publishing. Her writing is featured in a variety of digital publications ranging from food and beverage to literature to ecotourism.
